Dieting or anorexia

Millions of women seem to be on a perpetual diet, so what is the difference between somebody on a diet and someone who has anorexia.  The answer is that often there is little difference.


The issue here is not of the act of dieting. It is the intention behind the act and the beliefs of the individual about him/herself that count. A healthy person with good self esteem and a balanced perception of life, can embark on a diet because he or she would like to lose some weight. This person knows that their self esteem will be improved by doing so, much in the same way as it would by learning a new skill.

For this person, the body is not the be all and end all. He or she does not depend totally on the weight loss in order to feel worthy. There is an awareness of the person as a multi layered, multi faceted person whose body is only one aspect of the personhood.

However, many people begin to diet without being aware of how dependent they are on the approval of others. They may think they are dieting just to make themselves feel better in that one aspect of their lives when in actual fact they are suffering from low self esteem issues and are dieting in an attempt to escape from these by gaining the approval of others.

Millions, if not billions of people are approval junkies. They live by the word ‘should,’ slaves to conformity, in jobs they hate, with partners they don’t like, never giving a thought to why, or to what they would prefer to be doing. For these people, going on a diet can be a dangerous thing, because the expectation is that the new, slimmer them will get them more of the drug – approval. It often does, but approval is just that – a drug.

Anorexia is at the extreme end of this addiction – the need for approval is so great that the individual will go so far as to destroy him/herself in an attempt to win it….

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Many ‘therapies’ exacerbate the problem

At the root of every eating disorder is a faulty belief system. The sufferer really believes that he or she is worthless. This belief leads to a constant stream of negative thoughts about oneself. This is the real addiction – to the negative thought stream. Somebody with healthy self esteem may feel bad momentarily about something he or she has done or said. This feeling is quickly shaken off and the negative thoughts replaced with positive ones. For those with eating disorders, depression, or low self esteem issues of any type, this does not happen. The negative thoughts do not stop. They continue to feed the faulty beliefs. If you know anybody who is suffering from an eating disorder, please try to look beyond the surface to what is going on underneath. Living with an eating disorder is living with constant torture. Unfortunately, there is little help out there that does actually help. What is needed for recovery is for the faulty beliefs to be corrected, so that the sufferer can begin to create new thought patterns. In time, the sufferer can become free. Most therapies concentrate on the food issues, despite the fact that the problems with food are the symptoms, not the cause. Sufferers are often fed cocktails of drugs that simply increase the feelings of powerlessness that are themselves part of the disorder. Many clinics also exacerbate the problem by taking away the responsibility from the sufferer. They are told what to eat, when to eat and how to eat. For somebody with an eating disorder to recover they need to know that they CAN do it. That they did not ask to suffer, but that they are the only ones who can stop it. With the right help, this is possible for everyone.

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Why do we objectifiy ourselves?

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Great blog, highly perceptive. Very pertinent to women with eating disorders.

...And The Home Of Depraved.You just got out of a messy, abusive relationship with a guy who doesn’t understand you, never took the time to service your needs, and was emotionally unavailable. You are working your way back into the dating world and you may not know it, but you may be in a very dangerous scenario.

You are prey. I am a predator. I know you are hurting and vulnerable. You probably haven’t been with a guy who is emotionally sensitive, vulnerable yet still strong, willing to listen and laugh and be everything you ever needed; and yet somehow allows you to feel safe.

I actually do a seminar for women on how an average looking guy can pick up women in their late 30′s and beyond using emotional and psychological manipulation. It’s scary when you realize how easily vulnerable people can be manipulated by a guy who is willing to pretend he…

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Five great things about being eating disorder free

It feels so great to walk down the street and not worry that somebody may want to talk to you and you won’t be able to, because there is only one thing on your mind, because you feel you have nothing interesting to say, because you’re terrified of being judged.

Having fun! It’s impossible to have fun when you have an eating disorder. Negative thoughts plague everything you do and they hurt! There is nothing like feeling truly free!

Confidence! It feels so good to be confident just because you are you. No restrictions, no conditions, just complete acceptance of yourself.

Love. When the eating disorder is behind you, you are able to connect in ways you never could before. Nobody can really give or accept love when they are trapped in a cocoon of misery. Learning to love yourself is the first step. Then you will be able to truly accept the love of others.

Living by your own rules. When we have an eating disorder or even depression, we are living by external rules – rules created by others. Those rules aren’t real…they are made by others, who want control. A good friend of mine is well known for saying ‘My way is the only way.’ He is right. His way is the only way for him, my way is the only way for me. Your way is the only way for you. Think about how many times you use the word ‘should,’ how many actions you make from a sense of duty. There is no need and in so doing you are forcing yourself to be less than you, harming both yourself and others. This quote by Marianne Williamson sums it up for me:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

There will always be those who want to control you. There will always be those who want you to feel less than you because they don’t want to realize their own potential. Set yourself free. Live the rest of your life on your terms. Imagine that you live on a desert island where nobody can see you, criticize or control you…who would you be? What would you do…?


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Loads of free copies downloaded!

Great to see there werelots of copies of my book downloaded for free yesterday. I hope that my readers are finding the book useful. I’d be very grateful for any feedback – positive, negative or neutral would be great, as would reviews on Amazon.



Thank you to all who downloaded my book. I’m very much looking forward to your feedback.

If you would like to purchase my book or learn more about it, please click here

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POLL – Are you happy with your therapist?

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